Monday, February 26, 2007

How to Make It Big.

Okay. After much study, I have found that a sure-fire way to make it 'BIG' is to create a chick-flick. They're easy to make and are always big with a majority of the world {I.E. the female sex}
So here's a list of things you need to remember when writing that screenplay:

1. Disease.
Your heroine must have a terrible disease that has no cure. You can write it so she was already diagnosed, or maybe receives the diagnosis during the second act, preferably after falling deeply in love with the 'Perfect Man'.
-The obvious choice here is cancer, which did wonders for Susan Sarandon in Stepmom and Mandy Moore in A Walk to Remember...you get the point.
-Don't be afraid to branch out, however. Try multiple sclerosis or just Google "terminal diseases." Complications related to pregnancy are also good, and you get bonus points if she dies within a minute of safely delivering the baby and holding it in her arms. A word of warning though: steer away from ebola, leprosy, or anything else that causes exterior beauty defects.

2. Almost Perfect.
It is every woman's dream to meet a man, fall in love, and then change him.
-Perhaps he's too uptight, like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman; or hates woman, like Richard Gere in Runaway Bride; or obsessed with his work and wants to break out of his rut, like Richard Gere in Shall We Dance?
-Of course, outside of the lone flaw, the romantic interest must be perfect, thus making your main character "complete" him.

3. 80's Sing Along
At some point, the main character and the people she cares most about (friends or family) must hear a upbeat 80's song, either on the radio or a jukebox {on TV is acceptable, too}, and sing it together—ideally into combs, in underwear, and while dancing about in a completely random and spontaneous way. {see '13 going on 30' and 'Raising Helen'}
-Nothing helps a white, twenty-something, upper middle class woman like having her a) know all the lyrics to and b) be driven to uncontrollable dancing to Motown.

4. Mother's and Daughter's
The ultimate chick flick must have a theme of motherly disapproval of the heroine and/or her life choices.
-Perhaps she moved away from home, forgetting her roots and never living up to her mother's hopes and aspirations, and—you know what? That's pretty much the reason for a mother-daughter conflict in every movie. Regardless, the hostility culminates in at least one openly confrontational scene between the main character and her mother, ultimately resolving itself on the heroine's deathbed when she and her mother realize they fight to no end because there is no end to their love.

5. Matthew McConaughey or Richard Gere
In fact, for the ultimate chick flick you probably need both.
-One should play the guy who broke the main character's heart and the other should be the rebound who turns out to be Mr. Right. You can decided which is which.

6. A Wedding
At some point, your heroine has to go to a wedding for a friend or family member and reflect on their love and the love or lack there-of in her own life.
-{See My Best Friend's Wedding and Sweet Home Alabama.}

7. Room Full of Flowers
For some reason, nothing says 'love' than the impulsive and irresponsible frivoulous-ness with money to buy an entire florist's inventory and have it secretly delivered to the heroine's house.
-Just make sure this scene comes well before the revelation of the deadly disease or things could get sticky.

8. The Scheme
Prior to meeting the perfect (though, flawed in one way) man, your heroine must take part is some ridiculously idiotic scheme, like Kate Hudson in 'How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days' or Drew Barrymore in 'Never Been Kissed'.
-While entangled in this web of deceit, she learns that she truly loves the guy, but can't let him know without revealing all her lies.
-A few suggestions might be making your heroine be very rich but posing as a bag lady, or a childless woman joining the PTA. Now try your own!
{Note: A woman pretending to be a man is acceptable, but a man pretending to be a woman will not have the intended effect.}

9. Damage
To know love is to know heartbreak. Your heroine must have had her heart broken at some point by a man she thought was The Right Guy, but who wound up cheating on her or putting his career first or in some other way putting his desires before her needs, which is, of course, just wrong. The best revenge against such an affront is to destroy some of his typically masculine property, such as a sports car, big screen TV or autographed football.
-You may also opt to have her trash his wardrobe, which honestly wouldn't have as much impact on most guys as seeing those other things destroyed, but certainly hits closer to home with the women in the crowd, who are your target audience.



I don't have a number ten because I am out of ideas.
If you have any helpful hints for those future 'chick-flick' author's, please share.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Meak Existants

I realized something rather sad today.
While sifting through blogs today, I noticed who has and hasn't posted in a while.
{just wait. We're not to the sad part yet.}
And I asked myself when I reached those blogs that hadn't been posted on in some time:
"I wonder where they've been?"

HA! As if, if they're not on the computer they must have a life or something.
Or as if the blog ring should BE their life.


sad sad sad

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I really don't have anything spectacular to say or post.
But I feel I must post in order to preserve my spot on Faith's list.
*peer pressure*



Today I made something for someone out of paper and stickers and magazine cut-outs.
I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it.
The colors and the funky things you get to arrange and make happen!
Amazing.

Speaking of amazing-I really liked the new tune the ladies {of woman's retreat 2007} put Amazing Grace too!
Fabulous!

can i live here?